Will passionately argue that LeBron James is the GOAT, even during an interview.

His voice cracks at any pitch above 70 dB.

Can’t be incentivized with cake, which is problematic for any office birthday party.

Passport photo features blonde hair, making him a TSA wildcard.

Genuinely believes his NBA career is on the horizon, despite being 5’7 and not making his HS basketball team 

Refuses to use autocorrect, insisting there should be integrity when it comes to texting.

Sends loud emails, regularly surpassing the socially acceptable limit of two exclamation points.